To you, Raj

to you, raj

Hello, little Raj. I know, I know, you’re older than me. It’s just that you’re such a soft person that I can’t help but call you such. I’m writing this because I don’t know if we’ll still have each other – as friends, as would-be lovers, I don’t know. I just know that the future’s inevitable and if the worst ever comes, at least you’ll know that I’ll only ever have the best intentions for you.

First, thank you. Because of you, I’ve met Adam, Belle, Reiji – our friends, our home. That summer was the worst but also the best because I had you all. Thank you for listening to my qualms, my pain, and my everything. You may not have understood it all, but you still stayed and supported me. Thank you for staying even if you were already hurting. Thank you for your dreams, for both of us, it gives me the hope that there is still something worthwhile in this twisted world. Thank you for loving the worthless me.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for who I am. You always tell me that I color your world, which is weird – because if I can do it for you then why can’t I do so for myself? I want to be happy and content, to be the best version of myself so that I won’t burden you with my own issues. I’m sorry for being such an indecisive coward. I hope in your future, you wouldn’t have this type of person by your side.

I wish that you’re working on your dream job by this time, maybe not your dream job, I guess working on something you’re truly happy about which is more plausible, in my opinion. I hope you’re content enough not to laze around as you’d always choose to do. I hope Mama is happy with you and that you’re laughing because she’s annoying you yet again. I hope you’ve bought all the nendos on your wishlist and you being able to buy whichever game you want on Steam sales. I do wonder though, will you still be as addicted to CS:GO as you were? It makes me laugh, just thinking of it. Of course, I do wish you have that dreamy gaming rig now.

For now, goodbye. I do hope you are happy wherever you are. Don’t drink too much cola and take care of yourself. I love you.

Written by S.

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